Wednesday, November 14, 2012

New Attitude - New Journey - New Adventure!

I needed a little reminding of this!
Last night I realized that part of my issue is I am a bit depressed and sad because THE event is over, I called it Post Marathon Depression. Of course this also had to do with the fact I couldn't jump right back in the saddle and start training for my next event, and yes there is a next event, and a next, and a next! Add in a dash of little to no sleep since last Thursday night and you end up with one grumpy, ticked off, ready to spork your eyes out for breathing funny Re.

I finally got some sleep last night, had a weird dream about a half marathon that if you didn't make it to your mile markers in a certain amount of time you were shot on the spot (Matt Costa please don't get any ideas I can see us at Bootcamp now being shot by AirSoft guns LOL), but I still slept and I woke up feeling MUCH better about the entire situation. Yes it still hurts, yes I am walking like a zombie still (and peeking for Jason even though he claims he wouldn't rebar me), but the bottom line is I AM WALKING, I AM FEELING, AND I AM GETTING BETTER EACH DAY!

By getting better each day I am also getting faster each day, I may not be as fast as I was last week but I will get there quickly, last night I could even roll over in my sleep and not wake up thinking a Walker was nibbling on my leg, and today I got back up the stairs in less than 3 minutes, sounds like a little feat but trust me the other day I think it took me 15 and there may have been a few tears.

Speaking of getting faster, Coach Adam Swansen posted on Facebook yesterday the national average of finishing a half marathon that had been quoted in an email from atlinks.com, the title of the email was "Are you faster today than you were four years ago?" My answer to that question TODAY is no not really, but there is good reason for that, it is because on Sunday I WAS faster than I was four years ago, faster than a year ago, faster than 6 months ago! Not only am I faster than just a few short months ago, I am faster than the national finishing average of a half marathon which is 3:30:20. That totally works for me. My next goal in regards to a half marathon is come in under 2:30, if I had been able to run this one in same pace as my 8 miler a couple of months ago I could have pulled it of, but that didn't happen and I need to just move on from it, learn from it, and grow from it.

The decision has been made for me to lay off the running for awhile until my muscle gets better and is stronger, last night my beautiful Thing1 told me I have a habit of listening to what people tell me I should do and then go right ahead and do exactly what I want anyway (which 9 times out of 10 is the exact opposite of what 99% of the population of the USA would say do). This time, it's different and that is playing a huge part in why I am frustrated, this time I physically can't do the opposite, so I actually am going to take the time off. That doesn't mean I am going to be sitting on the couch eating bon bons it simply means that until next Monday I am concentrating on resting, icing and babying my leg until I can walk like a human again, and at that time I will hit the gym and work weights and modified classes until I feel like my muscle is strong enough for a mile run. Amanda and I came up with a plan yesterday evening so I don't feel so lost and out of sorts about what is to come. That had a huge impact on how I was feeling. Yes this is me saying I need a PLAN! (that noise you just heard was my mother fainting)


My ultimate goal is to be back to Bootcamp at the first of the year able to run and keep up with the pack and with much better form. Why am I mentioning form? Well because mine STINKS. The only thing I have going for me is a good foot fall, the rest of my body looks like a Telly Tubby when running and that is not good. As I laid in bed last night going over where I was now and where I am headed one thing popped in my head, WORK ON YOUR FORM. I physically can't move and twist and turn quickly right now but that does not mean I can not work on the technique of doing a sit up, a push up, a squat (that hurts even to mention it right now but I will get there), so when I start back to running instead of concentrating on how far I can get, it will be a concentration on form first and the distance will come.

I have found the silver lining in my storm cloud, with this time to work on form and strength come time to compete in the Spartan Race on March 23rd,  the Flying Pirate Half Marathon on April 14th followed by Country Music Half Marathon on April 27th I will be ready!

Back to Operation 163 LTC!
Much Love To All,
Re

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Acceptance

Note: the original title of this blog was Aggravation after writing the whole thing the title changed.

Many of you who read my blog are also friends with me on Facebook and if you have hidden me from your time line I wouldn't be shocked or surprised. My status updates since Sunday have been a roller coaster of highs and lows and a couple of twists and turns.

The bottom line of it all is I am completely aggravated. I don't want to be hurt. I don't want to miss Bootcamp. I don't want to stop running for awhile. I have a LOT of things I don't want right now. I don't want to be that girl that couldn't hang and sat out a whole camp. I don't want to lose any of my fitness level that I have actually fought very hard for since February.

Injuries happen, I understand that, but they aren't supposed to happen to me. (I am kidding here) I have a difficult time deciphering the difference between hurt and sore, I always have and I probably always will. I do HEAR my body I just don't know what it is saying per say. Not being able to make it down the stairs using one of your legs should be a good sign that something is off kilter and it isn't just soreness, but instead of being OK with having to stay off of it, my brain is saying you are a wimp and you should be tougher than this and you are lazy and you haven't changed one bit.

I also have a terrible habit of feeling like my actions are letting others down. I guess that is where the "team" part of Bootcamp comes into play with me. I have always felt like you should pull your own weight when it comes to a team and if I am home sitting on my butt how exactly am I helping my Bootcamp family. How am I being the best I can be for my coaches when I am not even there? How is not being a part of the day to day activities of my team and Bootcamp family helping and inspiring anyone? These are things that go through my mind repeatedly. I try to talk myself down from the ledge of disappointing people but it is just in my nature to worry about these things. It is not a trait I am fond of and a lot of the time I do throw the persona out there that I really don't give a crap what anyone thinks but the truth is I do when it comes to people who "out rank" me in life, people like my Daddy, my boss, or my coaches.

So what's the bottom line of this, I need to accept a few things:
  • The fact that I am human and humans get hurt.
  • Yes I did walk on a 13.1 mile run on Sunday.
  • I showed up to run in a 13.1 mile run with an injury that was aggravated so bad I had major trouble getting in and out of the truck to even get there. 
  • My choice in running in the event on Sunday has probably put me out longer that I originally thought for. 
  •  The event is behind me I can't change it and make it what I wanted it to be and no amount of bitching over it is going to change that. 
  • That I NEED to stay off of this thing and let it heal. 
  • I am currently petrified to be away from Bootcamp and that is part of what has sparked this roller coaster of emotions. I deal with fear as well as I do injury and disappointing people.. in other words I DON'T!

HOWEVER, I also need to accept these other facts:

  •  I ran 11 miles of that 13.1 without stopping.
  • Even though I walked about a mile and a half at almost a 15 minute pace I still got a PR by a little over 6 minutes.
  • No one is disappointed in my performance except me.
  • At no point in the run Sunday was I ever out of breath or taxing my body except that one leg, so I know how much farther my fitness level is than it was in April. 
  • This isn't my last event there are many more in which I can show my true ability without injury.
  • I am pretty damn tough, and not the wimp my brain wants me to think I am. 
  • My Bootcamp family is NOT going anywhere, they will be right there when I am able to come back. 
  • I am not going to lose my fitness level because there are other things I can do until I can get back to running and Bootcamp. 
  • And last but not least this is NOT the end of the road in this journey and simply a speed bump. 
  • Update I thought of this after I posted: Not only did I COMPLETE the 13.1 half marathon, the day before that I completed a 5k and was only 30 second off a PR on that run. I keep forgetting I did that.
This is Re reporting to you live from the top of the speed bump, it's all down hill from here!
Much Love
Re





Monday, November 12, 2012

"The miracle isn't that I finished..

It's that I had the courage to start" ~ John Bingham

My friend and fellow bootcamper Leslie posted this quote this morning and it was so fitting for this blog post. Might I also say that Leslie KILLED the half marathon!

Yesterday I ran in my second half marathon, while it did not go as planned the truth is nothing in life should really be planned, there are obstacles and bumps and bruises and pulled muscles that can get in way of things that are "planned". I originally had the idea that I would SMASH my time from the first half marathon and that I would do it by running every step. Neither of those things happened.

I had not trained properly, well I can't say that because I started out training properly, the bottome line is I did not train well for this half marathon as I have a slight injury, I had no idea a pulled groin muscle could hurt so terribly badly for so dang long. I stay off of it until it feels 100% do one thing like a 5k and the next morning I can't make it down the stairs. This has been going on for slightly over 3 weeks now.

Yesterday morning was one of the mornings that I could not in fact make it down or up the stairs using my right leg, and well I was walking like something off of the Walking Dead. I kept peeking around corners to make sure Jason wasn't standing there with a piece of rebar to show through my head. Thankfully he wasn't but I sure could have used some of his encouraging words yesterday morning. Truth be told when my daddy looked at me and said "And you think you are going to finish 13 miles.. yea right?" I got a little scared, ok ok a LOT scared. The only thing I knew to do was try so off I went to run in my second half marathon of the year.

Thing 3 Lisa, Thing 1 Ilona, Thing 2 me! 
I met the Bootcampers and hugged each one I could get my hands on, it's the hugs that make me feel better. We were not there long before it was time to take off. I heard in my head Jay saying "if you think you are starting off slow, go slower" I didn't have much choice to go slower my right leg just wasn't going to let me. *sigh* I kept on going and before I knew it I was at mile 1, then 2, then wow there is 3, it WHIZZED by! I thought back to my first half marathon and how incredibly far that first mile seemed, yesterday it seemed I was at mile 3 in NO time. We made a turn down by the sound and with the fog still hugging the water I was amazed at the beauty of where we lived (yes I did take time to notice what was around me :) ) I took a few minutes to chat with a gentleman who fell in beside me and decided to keep pace with me for a bit, it was a nice distraction but the truth is I am a solo runner I am not fond of anyone beside me for too long, either I am trying to keep up with them or fall back so they can stay by me, it is just not a challenge I want to fight while trying to finish my own run. It wasn't long I wished him well and pulled away.

Right around mile 5 I caught up with Todd White another bootcamper and we shared a few moments and then he had to pull away as I was the slower pacer. It was shortly after this I felt my body tiring and knew it was time to do take the Hammer Gel and wouldn't you know it, not a water station or trash pile in sight. I did hold on to my wrapper until I saw a small pile close to the end of the neighborhood, there was no point in my being rude with the trash.While running this mile I felt a poke on the shoulder and I turned around thinking it would be a bootcamper showing love but I was met with a stranger who immediately says.. "Oh I am sorry I thought you were someone else" The only thing I could say was "You mean there is someone else with blue hair running this thing??" She said "yup sure is.. " Wow.

I kept on trotting along at my slow pace just putting one foot in front of the other and what appears but some dude with a camera Yelling HEY BOOTCAMPER ( I don't know what else he said cause he knew who I was but I wasn't sure who he was cause he had something on his head that made me giggle but I was far enough away not to be able to see who it was) it wasn't long before I realized it was Chris Truz and the Brindley crew at the 6th mile! Chris fell in beside me for a little bit and just spoke to me and told me to keep going. Those few yards he fell in beside me got me through the next 3 miles to the bottom of the bridges.

I don't remember much about miles 6 through 9, I know I caught up with Doug Meekins a friend that I am so incredibly proud of and gave him a thumbs up, I think I caught back up with Todd around there too, not sure cause I don't remember seeing him again until the finish. I remember starting to see the top of Thing 1s head, which is not all that hard to do considering her height :) The only thing I kept thinking to myself was MAKE it to the bridge then you will be ok. I had a surprise waiting there, my Sisper, was there cheering us bootcampers on with the numbers proudly displayed and encouraging words.

It was then time to tackle the bridges, I did a body check and felt ok and it seemed then all systems were go. The first bridge really isn't much to be concerned with it is well just flat it is the second that is one of those looming up hill things after running about half a mile to it with it staring you in the face. The hill wasn't even that bad we do the monument all the time and this was no where near that incline but also at the same time it got REALLY REALLY HOT or at least it felt like it. I never gave up my trot on the way up that bridge or the way down. Ahead of me I could see Ilona and said I will make it to her and we will finish this thing together we will run it in. The minute I finally caught her was exactly at mile 11 and by the time I caught up with her I realized that my leg wasn't so ok anymore. It was numb and wobbly feeling like with every foot fall my hip wasn't doing what it was supposed to. I made the choice right then to walk a bit, knowing that I probably would not have it in me to run again as I knew how badly that was going to hurt.

Wouldn't you know it that was exactly when my Daddy and Deanna drove by me.. just my luck. It couldn't be helped I knew whatever was going on with my leg was on the verge of some damage that I didn't want to put me out for longer than I already will be. Ilona and I made a plan to walk mile 11 to 12 and we would run the rest of the way in. I felt ashamed and guilty for having to walk, but that is just me, that is how I roll, all I could think was I am going to have to tell my coaches. We made it to the next water station and who do we catch up with the wonderful Sweetpea. We all chatted a tiny bit and it was time for Ilona and I to run it in, I didn't make it far :( What I was afraid of happened, it hurt, everything hurt and I knew I wasn't running right because my left leg was starting to fell the pain of running out of my normal gait. I motioned for Ilona to push ahead and keep running and I would start back in a minute. I did, I pushed again and ran to a marker I had in my mind, and then I walked another bit, another TINY bit, and made the turn off of the main road towards the finish. I told myself I would NOT walk on that last bit of the run and I didn't. I was slow and ugly but I ran all the way in. There were so many cheering at the end that I can't possibly remember them all, but a few I saw as I came to the end were Vicki, Sandy, Bertie, Mike, Caitlyn, Erin.. there were so many more so please forgive me if I didn't call you by name. When you are surrounded by that much love on the final leg of a LONG run it is amazing all your thoughts of pain and hurting just vanish, so thank you my friends thank you.

As I went through the finishing chute I could see some of my bootcamping friends and what did I do zip zip right around them both, sorry Joan and Jessica, I didn't really mean to do that. but I had been running the last part of the race for one thing only.. a Jay Bowman hug! I told him last night it is probably a good thing that at that point I didn't have a jump left in me cause I would have Supermanned the poor man. I don't even know what was said, I just remember him putting my medal around my neck and hugging me and me saying.. I am so sorry I had to walk. The most important thing for me at that moment wasn't that I finished or that it was over, it was to own up to what I had to do to get to the finish. I believe I hugged Joan and Jessica I am not even sure it was all a blur.

I met up with Ilona and we got some juice and I saw Amanda and Randolph waiting, I have to say Amanda had a rather worried look on her face until she finally spotted me. Another round of hugs and congrats from her, Randolph, Amy, Terry and Tommy. I caught sight of the General Matt Costa and got yet another hug and again fessed up to my walking. I will say neither Coach was upset with me at all it seemed, apparently I was the only one mad at me.  I ended up having to call my Daddy and Deanna to figure out where they were, turns out they got to the finish line about 5 minutes after I went through. That was kind of a sad moment but these things happen.

As I was standing around chit chatting with my friends and who should show up to give me more love and hugs but Joanne, Misty, and Anissa it was so nice to see them all and know they were cheering me on. I received so many well wishes and virtual cheers from many of the night camp ladies it was very encouraging and meant so much to me. I love you all. I also look forward to running the Flying Pirate half with all of you so get ready!

After more hugs from the people I could get my hands on Christina, Doug, Todd.. it was time to head out. On my way to the truck I got to give bootcamp love to Thing 3 Lisa and see and toot at many of the marathoners on the way home Lindsey, Jessie, Laura, Franco, Dave and Adam. The dedication it took for them to run the full marathon was just nothing except amazing. One of these days I hope to join the ranks of having that much dedication and spirit. 

Last night I celebrated finishing the half marathon with my friends Janice, Lauren, Susan, Amanda, Randolph and Amy. What a wonderful way to end a wonderful day!




Now for a round of Thank You's. Thank you to my wonderful Coaches at Outer Banks Bootcamps especially Matt, Jay and Adam for your belief in me, and the encouragement of my bootcamp family for being there and experiencing this journey together. To my friends the Things, Ilona and Lisa for just being you, Amanda for being my gym partner, trainer and friend. To my daddy, Deanna, Lauren, Susan and Janice who traveled to be here this weekend to be with me and to participate in this run in my community. To my Sisper who stood out there cheering and waiting on me to run by and for encouraging me to take care of myself even if I don't listen well.  To the night camp girls, each of you have this in you too ya know and by spring I hope we are all out there running in YOUR first half marathon xoxo! To all of you that have read the blog, kept up with my journey on facebook and sent words of encouragement it is truly amazing.  And last but not least, thanks Edgie for saying that I wouldn't make it past mile 2, I had to prove you wrong so I made it to 11. I could NOT have done with this without any of you.

Many congratulations to my friends, bootcampers and fellow runners on all the completions and PR's that you had this weekend.  You all rocked this thing!

I know the next question many of you have is what next, today.. NOTHING! After that,  my plan at the moment (check back with me after Thursday) is to sit out this upcoming bootcamp and let this muscle heal completely, while taking classes at the gym starting in a week or so and running on my own to hopeful get back to where I want to be with my time. I have two more races on the books this year which will put me at 94.6 miles for since March, and I pulled a PR on a half marathon even thought I haven injury and had to walk about a mile and a half. I can live with that.

I may have only taken off 4 minutes from the last half but I have lost a lot of me!

Much Love
Re
15.23.14.9.20.