Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Acceptance

Note: the original title of this blog was Aggravation after writing the whole thing the title changed.

Many of you who read my blog are also friends with me on Facebook and if you have hidden me from your time line I wouldn't be shocked or surprised. My status updates since Sunday have been a roller coaster of highs and lows and a couple of twists and turns.

The bottom line of it all is I am completely aggravated. I don't want to be hurt. I don't want to miss Bootcamp. I don't want to stop running for awhile. I have a LOT of things I don't want right now. I don't want to be that girl that couldn't hang and sat out a whole camp. I don't want to lose any of my fitness level that I have actually fought very hard for since February.

Injuries happen, I understand that, but they aren't supposed to happen to me. (I am kidding here) I have a difficult time deciphering the difference between hurt and sore, I always have and I probably always will. I do HEAR my body I just don't know what it is saying per say. Not being able to make it down the stairs using one of your legs should be a good sign that something is off kilter and it isn't just soreness, but instead of being OK with having to stay off of it, my brain is saying you are a wimp and you should be tougher than this and you are lazy and you haven't changed one bit.

I also have a terrible habit of feeling like my actions are letting others down. I guess that is where the "team" part of Bootcamp comes into play with me. I have always felt like you should pull your own weight when it comes to a team and if I am home sitting on my butt how exactly am I helping my Bootcamp family. How am I being the best I can be for my coaches when I am not even there? How is not being a part of the day to day activities of my team and Bootcamp family helping and inspiring anyone? These are things that go through my mind repeatedly. I try to talk myself down from the ledge of disappointing people but it is just in my nature to worry about these things. It is not a trait I am fond of and a lot of the time I do throw the persona out there that I really don't give a crap what anyone thinks but the truth is I do when it comes to people who "out rank" me in life, people like my Daddy, my boss, or my coaches.

So what's the bottom line of this, I need to accept a few things:
  • The fact that I am human and humans get hurt.
  • Yes I did walk on a 13.1 mile run on Sunday.
  • I showed up to run in a 13.1 mile run with an injury that was aggravated so bad I had major trouble getting in and out of the truck to even get there. 
  • My choice in running in the event on Sunday has probably put me out longer that I originally thought for. 
  •  The event is behind me I can't change it and make it what I wanted it to be and no amount of bitching over it is going to change that. 
  • That I NEED to stay off of this thing and let it heal. 
  • I am currently petrified to be away from Bootcamp and that is part of what has sparked this roller coaster of emotions. I deal with fear as well as I do injury and disappointing people.. in other words I DON'T!

HOWEVER, I also need to accept these other facts:

  •  I ran 11 miles of that 13.1 without stopping.
  • Even though I walked about a mile and a half at almost a 15 minute pace I still got a PR by a little over 6 minutes.
  • No one is disappointed in my performance except me.
  • At no point in the run Sunday was I ever out of breath or taxing my body except that one leg, so I know how much farther my fitness level is than it was in April. 
  • This isn't my last event there are many more in which I can show my true ability without injury.
  • I am pretty damn tough, and not the wimp my brain wants me to think I am. 
  • My Bootcamp family is NOT going anywhere, they will be right there when I am able to come back. 
  • I am not going to lose my fitness level because there are other things I can do until I can get back to running and Bootcamp. 
  • And last but not least this is NOT the end of the road in this journey and simply a speed bump. 
  • Update I thought of this after I posted: Not only did I COMPLETE the 13.1 half marathon, the day before that I completed a 5k and was only 30 second off a PR on that run. I keep forgetting I did that.
This is Re reporting to you live from the top of the speed bump, it's all down hill from here!
Much Love
Re





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