Wednesday, June 27, 2012

I am just not sure how to take that...

Thanks Jay! 
Today we tackled Jockey's Ridge ... again.

Again I wasn't my best out there in that sand pit. The first time I ran it was the week after my foot tried to rot off, this time I am dead in the middle of a week long "feel like total crap and exhaustion" session! Monday I felt the same way out there on the beach running and swimming for bootcamp then followed up by my worst 5K to date. Again like I said I have felt like crap. The thought right now is low potassium so I am trying to work on that and making sure I am doing what need to be done to keep me healthy and headed in the right direction.

It is incredibly hard feeling like each time you work out you are going backwards. I KNOW I am not and I know that even though I am not feeling my best that getting out there and working out gets me one step farther than I would be if I had remained sitting on my butt. I know that when I get to feeling like me again I will be a bit faster and stronger than I was before now.

Ok on to what we actually do on that ridge. First we show up and yell at our kid for not bringing shoes, ok ok that was just me. (she made out fine but I had images of cactus stickies and sand spurs all in the bottom of her feet) She lucked out, sand was perfect. Then we fall into formation, ALL of us. Turns out that we were all training together today. There was part of me that went "shewww this won't be that bad", the other part went "YEA RIGHT who you kidding?" FYI the "who you kidding" side won. We take off jogging to the sand.. and UP! we go and then we do Jumping Jacks. Have you ever tried to do jumping jacks in the sand and by sand I mean very loose powder sand? Let me tell you even the world's most perfect jumping jacker would look like they had no idea what they were doing.  Due to this we had to go BACK DOWN.. then up.. then down to sit ups. By sit ups I mean that no matter how hard you tried you were NOT going to do them right and you would end up holding not a plank but a sit up position for what I thought was an ungodly amount of time. Yes I kept falling over and down, this was when I realized that I was seriously not on my A game here. I can hold a sit up position normally, so it was frustrating!!!!

Up and off we go running, down, up, around a tree, down, up, up,.. slowly up, sit ups.. down..up.. situps.. down.. up..situps (see the pattern here) next thing I hear is "Clownfish .. where are my Clownfish?" Time to break it into groups, off we go I am not sure if we went up or down first but it was something then there was sit ups in a ditch.. then squats.. then up again. Ok seriously here is the bottom line we played in the sand like little kids! We rolled, we ran, we fell, we piggy backed (thank you for not dropping my big butt Leslie you ROCKED!!!) , we threw it (thank you you very much sand thrower, that sand is still in my eye, my mother was on to something when she spanked kids for throwing sand, even when they weren't hers) you name it we did it!  At some point of the morning I quit sniveling about feeling bad and just gave it what I had to give which was my all. I felt much better leaving there today than arriving.

At one point this morning I heard the words "Look at Re she is doing it, so can we!" now as much as I would LIKE to take that as a compliment, because I was in fact doing whatever it was that was being pointed out, something in me flipped. It reminded me of how out of shape I had managed to get that I was yet again used as an example.  It's ok really it is, I WANT to be an inspiration to people and that is one of my goals, to beat this obesity and become a healthy fit trainer person and inspire and coach others towards healthier living. Just today I felt like screaming YES I AM DOING IT PLEASE STOP WATCHING ME DOING IT! I AM NOT WHO YOU SHOULD WATCH!!! You need to watch Alex, or Kendall, or Justine, or Leslie, or Ilona, or Amanda, or Amy, or (insert anyone else's name here) those are the people that I strive to be like, you want to be like them NOT me. As I sit here now typing this, I remember starting this journey and seeing Christine, Brandi, Wende, Kathy, and so many others in the running bootcamp and coming home in tears at times thinking I will NEVER get there, I will never be "one of them". I don't think that way anymore, now I strive to think that with more hard work, blood, sweat and tears I WILL one day get there. Just like I WILL one day get to the point the girls in my camp now are. So to the group that decided today to watch me and do it cause I did, come on, keep watching,  and bring your best game, cause we are not stopping where I am today!

One majorly cool thing came out of this morning, a photo posted on my facebook wall by Rev. Coach Jay Bowman. As soon as I saw it, I saw not only myself, but also glimpses of my grandmother Memo, my Aunt Ann, my Cousins, Renee and Courtney, and my Daddy. It just reminded me that not only am I so blessed to have a wonderful Bootcamp family to belong to who helps me become the best I can be, but also a wonderful blood family who supports me in my journey. (There is no doubt that Memo is up there in heaven saying "Oh you all, the child has finally gotten herself together.").

Here is that photo and a photo of my Dad and other family members that I remembered having. Thanks Jay for reminding me of how much bigger I am than just myself.
I know you can't see it but those blue eyes I have .. they are his.

My Cousins, Renee and Courtney with Baby Hailey.

Daddy's Sr Graduation.. they made them all look like they had make up on! 

My Grandparents Pop and Memo, Daddy and Aunt Ann
Neale and Renee, Aunt Ann and Darly John

Much Love to you all,

PS i borrowed two of the photos so Thanks TT and Nee Nee.. xoxoxo

Monday, June 18, 2012


After what feels like to have been 2 months "off" (it was 3 days) I have spent some time reevaluating and rethinking things. None of my goals have changed, I still have the desire and the determination to make them happen. Some days it is just hard.

Yes I have come a long way in 5 months but the bottom line is I still have MUCH farther to go. When I looked at the numbers there are 50 more pounds to lose, which means I am not even half way through my journey. When your body just plain hurts just about 24/7 and you are giving it your all it is a tough pill to swallow.

There is no real end to this particular road, it is an on going one of health and fitness but let me tell you it would be much healthier and fitter if I didn't have this other 50 lbs to lug around. While I am working hard and I know I am working hard (even when I don't show up for the Sunday runs) I never feel like what I am doing is enough. Like why can't I do 15 kickboxing classes a week, 4 bootcamps, 2 runs, and 4 one on one sessions and just drop this weight? (besides the fact I have a job that is)

Fortunately the scale didn't go up even after eating like a moron all weekend, but I also realized that I had lost my commitment in there somewhere. (like in the bottom of a bottle of wine where so many other things get lost, like the ability to text properly.. sorry Amy). I need to commit myself back to clean eating completely, commit myself to working out each minute available, commit myself to taking Friday off, commit myself to starting marathon training on July 1. commit to not being the caboose, commit to losing the 50 lbs.

Adam gave us homework today we had to come home and send in a comment with our goals to his facebook. I have mine written down and taped to my desk so I see them all the time. (not to mention RECOMMITMENT written on my arm in red sharpie.. Hey Terry can you help a sister out and henna it on me until I get it through my head?) So off I scattered and I typed them up, it was quite easy as they are right there in front of me like I said.

  • Lose 50 more pounds
  • Begin training for the marathon on July 1
  • Run a marathon this fall
  • Become a kickboxing instructor (long term goal)
  • Not be the caboose
  • Help train next summers beginner camp (give back)
  • Finish 3 bootcamps
  • Break a 10 minute mile
The truth is I left one off. It doesn't matter what that one is, it is just so completely personal that it has only been shared with my closest girl friends and now my trainer as I felt that it was the right thing to do cause I can't cheat on something like this assignment.

Do you have goals that you need or want to reach? Write them down, share them with your family, share them with a friend it helps us stay accountable when we have that support system around us.

At the end of the day, even after having all those goals written out and in front of you, there is only one way you can possibly get to them, and I am so thankful to have people in my life supporting me getting there and trainers helping me learn the ways how.

You just have to get to "Where the Magic Happens"

 Much Love,


Friday, June 15, 2012

My Best Friend

Let me tell you about my best friend, I do suppose the first thing I need to tell you is that he is well a he. Most girls I know their best bestest friend is a she, not me, but as he will quickly tell you I have never been one to exactly follow the rules.

You know how when someone asks how long you have known your best friend and it feels like your whole life so you just say "oh forever", I am lucky enough that I actually have. He has been there through good things and bad and never once did I ever question how much exactly he loved me, even when he didn't particularly like me very much.

I am sure when I was younger there were times he thought to himself "Lord what in the world did I ever do bad enough to have to put up with this?" I can't say I can blame him cause there were times I was really not the nicest person in the world, but not once did he ever give up on me. Oh, who am I kidding, he has probably thought that recently.

I can say with complete certainty that the man is quite honestly my hero. I have watched him live his life in a way could only make a person be proud to know him. I have watched him during times of happiness and sadness and I can only strive to be able to handle the bad times with as much faith and patience that it will get better as he. Not once in my life have I ever had anyone say one bad thing about him and I doubt I could find anyone that could with honesty.

Throughout my life I have watched people come and go, some that I thought would be around forever, some that I thought loved me for me and never wanted me to be anything but, but alas they were only here for a season. Some of those times it really hurt losing those people (sometimes we threw a party) and those hurtful times he was always there, just letting me know it was going to be ok. He is the one person that has, since the day I was born, allowed me to be who I am. Most of you know I am a bit different and have a pretty wild spirit, almost gypsy like so I imagine that it was quite hard for him to sit back and watch me never quite settle down, but he did and for that I will forever be grateful.

My best friend kinda goes by more than one name, Henry, Hounddog, Grandaddy, and he plays many roles in his life, son, brother, friend, grandfather, uncle, hunter, ball player, fireman...

But I like what I call him best.... Daddy.

Happy Fathers Day to my best friend! I love you. Thank you for always being here for me and letting me be me. I wouldn't be who I am without you.

Intense Conversation
Photo by Janice Vogel

He's so handsome
Photo by Janice Vogel

Doing what he loves best.

He would fit in so well here if it wasn't on the beach or they had shoes on.
I love this guy!
PS Thank you God for picking him to be my Daddy... because we all know my track record with picking men, this could have turned out bad. (giggle)

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Honored Compliment

This past weekend I went to Mathews and spent some time with my Daddy and other friends. Most of them haven't seen me since before the half marathon so it was cool seeing their reactions and hearing the "Oh My Gosh's" and "You don't even look like you's". I can't wait until next time cause hopefully it will still be reactions of the same kind. By the way, I do look like me, just this me, the new me, the me I plan on keeping around for awhile, well less of the new me, but... oh for Pete's sake you get the point.

One of the things about this blog that I don't particularly care for is that my Daddy has not been able to read it, because it is on the internets, and he doesn't do internets or computers, but I devised a plan last week and I spent the time and printed the whole thing off from back in January when I started this journey. I took it to him and I handed it to him in person and said you should read this. The response was "Why? What is it?" I explained it was my blog and that it had everything about my journey written in it for the most part and that he should read it. He didn't grumble exactly he just said that I tell him all about it and I should just keep telling him. I didn't really say anything and watched as he set the entire printed stack down on the bench by the woodstove. Being the hard headed brat I can be I did not take my printed blog back I left it right there, I figured it could either 1. Gather Dust 2. Be used to start a fire next winter after 1. or 3. it would keep looking at him as he sat in his recliner and maybe he would read it eventually.

The weekend was wonderful and relaxing and I brought home a summer house guest. Deanna is spending the summer here with me working mad hours at Food Lion and participating in Outer Banks Bootcamps as well! I am very proud of her for deciding to spread her wings and do this! At 18 I am hoping to instill in her some better lifestyle choices so she is not the 40 year old Caboose that her mama is... errhmm was.  We now have a house full of bootcampers, Drake is in the youth group, I am a Clownfish and Deanna a Hammerhead.

On Sunday we rushed back to town to attend a healthy eating seminar at Knuckle Up with Wes Stepp the owner of Red Sky in Duck. After participating on Sunday and trying clean eating on my own for the last few weeks I have decided along with some of my other bootcamping family to embark on another leg of our journey with Wes as a Clean Eating coach. I will keep you updated on this as we start and how it is going. Wes has been on the Hampton Roads show on channel 10 on Wednesday's (every other I believe) but I will let you know the next time he is on, it shouldn't be missed! Not only is he an amazing chef he is an amazing guy as well.  His encouraging words during bootcamp are most appreciated.

Monday 4:30 am came WAYYYYY to early for a girl who had been up since 2 am trying not to die from a touch of food poisoning. I would have said it was due to eating healthy and using Sunday night as a cheat day but considering that everyone who was with us at the establishment were also dealing with rumbly tummies I believe food poisoning is the correct call, but up and at it I went. I dropped De off at her meeting place and headed back to Knuckle Up to meet my team. Yay! a run day... (I thought I was going to straight up die I tell ya) but I just trudged along in the back but keeping up and not getting too far behind, then came the mountain climbers. It is safe to say that in January I could not do 1 mountain climber much less 100 or the ONE THOUSAND we banged out. Yes you read that right 1 0 0 0! If you can walk correctly after doing 1000 mountain climbers either your name is Todd Parks, Jay Bowman, Matt Costa, Terry Gionet, Adam Swansen, Tommy Townsend (I am sure I missed some of you but you get the point) or you just aren't doing them right. Over the bypass and back up the beach where we passed the Hammerheads going through their card deck and up to meet the Bullsharks to run them back to White St. At some point I heard someone say "This is the toughest day of bootcamp ever..." oddly I think that EACH and EVERY time which is exactly how it should be. It would be interesting if anyone could remember what we did on day one of bootcamp plus to go back just to see how our bodies react.

I hit kickboxing Monday at noon, Tuesday at noon and 515, the 515 class may have done me in. Apparently imagining that Don's mitts are someone's face was a bad idea and the last right upper cut I threw something went wrong so I have a very sore hurting wrist. No I don't know exactly what is wrong my guess from how it hurts hairline fracture or massive jam.

Today at 430 am the clock went off again and my thought of "oh my wrist will feel better in the morning" didn't quite happen as I had hoped. It hurts to move it left, to the right, to the back, to the front and I know if I go to the Dr they are just going to say well don't use it so forget that! Off to bootcamp De and I went. I won't report about her day as I think that should come from her but I will say she went and she participated and she finished. I will be having a conversation with her letting her know that I too was right where she was today, that there is no shame in it unless you quit. She didn't quit. Today was Monument Day aka Holy Hell.. I mean Hill. Up and down that thing we went unloading cans of food and water bottles as we went, when my pack was empty we were told to get off the steps (I wasn't listening so yup I got yelled at) I was actually trying to see if anyone had more cans that needed to go up and down. I should have tried harder because the next bit of guilt I felt was watching other team mates still going up and down. Lesson Learned: I need a bigger back pack. Due to my lack of cans and extra water we ended up doing what felt like a BAZILLION push ups on a crappy wrist, with each and every push up I just got madder. I don't really remember what Matt said but I finally hit my breaking point and said "@$%#@$# I will take another one up and down #$%$##@$# I will take TWO for good measure." so back down and up that #%$^$#@#$ hill I went again! I have to say I was probably angrier at myself than anything, my wrist just hurt and I was ashamed I didn't have more cans or water.
After it was all said and done and we had the healthy eating talk from Matt, he scared the bejezus out of me saying that we were going to have to gather all those cans back the same way we put them there. ONE CAN ONE TRIP AT A TIME. Luckily we only did that one time and in an attempt to make up for my little blunder in the first part of the day I tossed in 8 cans for my trip back to the parking lot. So whoever other than my kid ended up a can or two light you are welcome. ;) I am sure there were water bottles left for you to tote.

All of the food used during today's work out will be delivered to the Food Pantry at around 3 pm today and I will be sure to update everyone on the poundage delivered. All in all it was a good morning and I owned that dang hill to the best of my ability, I left it all out there and that my friends is all I can ask of myself. From what I saw EVERYONE left EVERYTHING out there, it was an amazing morning and the fact that our work out is going to help the community is incredibly heartwarming.

After I got home today, I fixed my big bowl of fruit and sat down to work and my phone rang, ok it didn't ring cause my ringer was off but I saw that I missed a call from Daddy. I am always one to worry when he calls, I don't know why I suppose I have a bit of Pop in me. I called him back and he asks how everyone is and what not and considering I know the man probably better than anyone else on the plant I knew he was beating around the bush about something. Finally he says... "I read your journal stuff" I had to make sure I understood so I asked. "You read it? You read all of it?" he tells me he did and that he read it all in one nights time. This coming from a man who only reads the Hunter's Horn and the Bible I think that is saying something. He then proceeds to tell me how incredibly proud he is of me and that he is glad he read it because even though I have told him about each run he just didn't have that detail and all of the story. Daddy said I should write a book, I am not so sure about all of that but who knows what the future holds, maybe when I feel I am closer to goal it will seem more real but it is not something that I won't consider. Then he told me that I was not the same person that he used to know and that he loved me. Let me just end by saying that to hear the pride in his voice and the words that my favorite man on the planet said to me this morning I would go up and down that hill 15 more times, run 23 blisters on my feet, take 14 hurting wrists, bleed 9 more times, and go through 20 times more pain than I have.

Now I am off to the noon kickboxing class with my girl Amanda!

May you love what you are doing.
Much Love

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Pay Off

Last week was the first full week of a new boot camp, as you know we are the Clownfish. I keep hearing in my head the line that was on an old t shirt I had "Can not sleep clowns will eat me...." over and over and over, I guess when you look at it that way and consider my intense fear of clowns period it is quite a fierce fishy name. (Cut me some slack I am trying to make us something tougher than a shark)

Things are meshing together so much that I don't really recall what exactly what we did last week at bootcamp. (Please Adam don't take this as means to make things harder so I remember better, my brain is old and you could kill me out there and I still won't remember, I got that from my Daddy). I know we ran and ran and ran, did sit ups, pushups, in the ocean out of the ocean so on and so forth. I do remember one thing from last week I wasn't the caboose any more. I also know that I will strive very hard not to be, and I completely felt ok with all we were doing, not ONCE did the "I can't" pop into my head.

Yesterday I had a "moment" with the Atlantic that caused a feeling of ... not so much "I can't" but one of I am not ready for this quite yet. You see the Atlantic and I have a love hate relationship going on, I love to look at her but I hate to get in her and apparently she is a lot like a dog and smells fear. Three times I have been in the ocean since moving here (other than the quick in and out of bootcamp drills) and three times that ninny has wiped me out so hard it was painful. Granted this is me and I couldn't stop laughing the first two times, the third time I wasn't so charming and dropped and F-bomb that would have made the original F-Bomber proud (Sorry Aunt Ann but it scared me) After that third one, and I didn't have Amanda right there with me, I will admit I got a bit skeeved out about going back in there, but alas along came another Clownfish and grabbed me by the hand and gently led me back in the the water, I didn't drown and I did finish out the day in and out of the water and never gave up (even if at the end of that swimming drill I was last I picked it back up and got back in place for the running back, gut full of salt water and all) and I have resolved myself to work on the whole ocean thing so I look more like an athlete and less like comic relief for the rest of the campers when we are doing the ocean thing.

A few things have changed lately, one is I have decided that 6 days a week I am going to eat clean, which means no preservatives and no processed foods. So far so good. I feel great! Couple of little moments of "what am I going to eat??" but then I just grab some more nuts and berries and nibble away. I haven't been hungry at all so I suppose I am doing something right. I will keep you up to date on how that goes, I really would like to make it a lifestyle change and not just a 6 week give, so I am in this for the long haul.

The other change will be here in a moment, first what has not changed. The scale. That stupid thing has gone up and down like a yo yo since the half marathon 6 weeks ago but it is NOT changing in a downward motion. I am starting to wonder if it is broken and just plain stuck (one can wish right?) Anyway it is a bit discouraging to hop on that thing after days of eating completely healthy (heck I hadn't even had any wine at that point) and have it right where it was before. D.I.S.C.O.U.R.A.G.I.N.G. I seriously think I am going to take the thing and give it to the Atlantic as a peace offering! The bottom line is I need it out of my house. I am relying on that number because I want to see a change, I NEED to see a change, and I am not when I look in the mirror.

Now as for what has changed...

Click on photo to enlarge
There is 4 months and 14 days worth of change for ya :) My friend Amy saw my half marathon comparison photo today and told me I needed to update it, my response was "no, I haven't changed since then" I may have been wrong. Bring on the next 4 months and 14 days!

Who needs a scale!