Things are meshing together so much that I don't really recall what exactly what we did last week at bootcamp. (Please Adam don't take this as means to make things harder so I remember better, my brain is old and you could kill me out there and I still won't remember, I got that from my Daddy). I know we ran and ran and ran, did sit ups, pushups, in the ocean out of the ocean so on and so forth. I do remember one thing from last week I wasn't the caboose any more. I also know that I will strive very hard not to be, and I completely felt ok with all we were doing, not ONCE did the "I can't" pop into my head.
Yesterday I had a "moment" with the Atlantic that caused a feeling of ... not so much "I can't" but one of I am not ready for this quite yet. You see the Atlantic and I have a love hate relationship going on, I love to look at her but I hate to get in her and apparently she is a lot like a dog and smells fear. Three times I have been in the ocean since moving here (other than the quick in and out of bootcamp drills) and three times that ninny has wiped me out so hard it was painful. Granted this is me and I couldn't stop laughing the first two times, the third time I wasn't so charming and dropped and F-bomb that would have made the original F-Bomber proud (Sorry Aunt Ann but it scared me) After that third one, and I didn't have Amanda right there with me, I will admit I got a bit skeeved out about going back in there, but alas along came another Clownfish and grabbed me by the hand and gently led me back in the the water, I didn't drown and I did finish out the day in and out of the water and never gave up (even if at the end of that swimming drill I was last I picked it back up and got back in place for the running back, gut full of salt water and all) and I have resolved myself to work on the whole ocean thing so I look more like an athlete and less like comic relief for the rest of the campers when we are doing the ocean thing.
A few things have changed lately, one is I have decided that 6 days a week I am going to eat clean, which means no preservatives and no processed foods. So far so good. I feel great! Couple of little moments of "what am I going to eat??" but then I just grab some more nuts and berries and nibble away. I haven't been hungry at all so I suppose I am doing something right. I will keep you up to date on how that goes, I really would like to make it a lifestyle change and not just a 6 week give, so I am in this for the long haul.
The other change will be here in a moment, first what has not changed. The scale. That stupid thing has gone up and down like a yo yo since the half marathon 6 weeks ago but it is NOT changing in a downward motion. I am starting to wonder if it is broken and just plain stuck (one can wish right?) Anyway it is a bit discouraging to hop on that thing after days of eating completely healthy (heck I hadn't even had any wine at that point) and have it right where it was before. D.I.S.C.O.U.R.A.G.I.N.G. I seriously think I am going to take the thing and give it to the Atlantic as a peace offering! The bottom line is I need it out of my house. I am relying on that number because I want to see a change, I NEED to see a change, and I am not when I look in the mirror.
Now as for what has changed...
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Who needs a scale!