So much to say...
I have so much bottled up inside of me that I want to say today and just don't know how to get it all out.
It's strange being in the position that I am right now. Knowing that life is MUCH better than it was and knowing that I am in a much better place, mentally, physically, and emotionally, but yet still having days that you just feel like you have done nothing but screw everything up and want to hide from the world. That is where I am today. Wanting to hide.
Feeling like I am never a good enough friend, mother, daughter, teammate, trainee, employee... you get the picture. Just that all over I am never going to measure up feeling. Do I know that it is not logical to actually think this way, yup I do. Do I feel that way anyway, yup I do. It just makes me wonder, does everyone have days like this or is it just me, the mental case, that feels like this.
Maybe it is because today is my Monday, and after a 3 day weekend of a friend lovefest it has come to a screeching halt and I am left with only myself and my thoughts. Let me give you a quick run down of the fun of the weekend and maybe that will help you understand the desire to jump in a hole this morning.
Friday, I spent the afternoon on the beach with my friends Amanda, Ilona, and Kati. Then went to Corolla and had dinner with Mama Gee, Miss Helen, Miss Nancy, Miss Judy, Miss Loretta and Miss Wickie which was a great treat!!! Then went on a quick little food delivery and got to see Baby Landon for the first time.
Saturday, I was up early and went to Kickboxing, Zumba, worked out on the beach with Amanda, headed back to Knuckleup to help with Wine Down 5K packet pick up and then spent a lovely evening with Ilona, Charlie and her mom Cookie for dinner.
Sunday, as soon as I woke up I took the little Banx to Duck for a nice long walk on the beach with Ilona and Banx's new friend Max, then home to the beach with Amanda and Alison, then off to the Wine Down 5k with Sandy, Melissa, more of their friends and a ton of bootcampers and friends alike.
Monday, bootcamp first thing, followed by a mad dash to Avon to run the Shore Break 5k with Amy and Lisa, back home to beach with Amanda for 5 hours and then to church with Mike, Ashten Ree, and Betsy!
TALK ABOUT A WEEKEND FILLED WITH GOODINESS!!!!
No wonder today just isn't measuring up!
I guess the point of my post today is just to say that no matter how things appear on the outside on the inside sometimes I am still really new to this game and some days I really am not so ok.
It's days like today that I just plain miss hugs and someone saying "It is going to be ok."
My wish is that your weekend was as fun filled as mine and that you didn't run smack into a wall of sadness when you got up this morning.
Much Love to you All
15.23.14.9.20.
Re
PS. We had 128 people show up for bootcamp yesterday morning! That right at DOUBLED our graduation number from last Wednesday!!!
It's strange being in the position that I am right now. Knowing that life is MUCH better than it was and knowing that I am in a much better place, mentally, physically, and emotionally, but yet still having days that you just feel like you have done nothing but screw everything up and want to hide from the world. That is where I am today. Wanting to hide.
Feeling like I am never a good enough friend, mother, daughter, teammate, trainee, employee... you get the picture. Just that all over I am never going to measure up feeling. Do I know that it is not logical to actually think this way, yup I do. Do I feel that way anyway, yup I do. It just makes me wonder, does everyone have days like this or is it just me, the mental case, that feels like this.
Maybe it is because today is my Monday, and after a 3 day weekend of a friend lovefest it has come to a screeching halt and I am left with only myself and my thoughts. Let me give you a quick run down of the fun of the weekend and maybe that will help you understand the desire to jump in a hole this morning.
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| Banx LOVES pretty girls! |
Friday, I spent the afternoon on the beach with my friends Amanda, Ilona, and Kati. Then went to Corolla and had dinner with Mama Gee, Miss Helen, Miss Nancy, Miss Judy, Miss Loretta and Miss Wickie which was a great treat!!! Then went on a quick little food delivery and got to see Baby Landon for the first time.
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| Where my toes spent a lot of time this weekend. |
Saturday, I was up early and went to Kickboxing, Zumba, worked out on the beach with Amanda, headed back to Knuckleup to help with Wine Down 5K packet pick up and then spent a lovely evening with Ilona, Charlie and her mom Cookie for dinner.
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| Banx and his new friend Max. |
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| Showing we had Sarah with us in spirits.. I mean spirit |
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| The mad dash bootcampers! |
No wonder today just isn't measuring up!
I guess the point of my post today is just to say that no matter how things appear on the outside on the inside sometimes I am still really new to this game and some days I really am not so ok.
It's days like today that I just plain miss hugs and someone saying "It is going to be ok."
My wish is that your weekend was as fun filled as mine and that you didn't run smack into a wall of sadness when you got up this morning.
Much Love to you All
15.23.14.9.20.
Re
PS. We had 128 people show up for bootcamp yesterday morning! That right at DOUBLED our graduation number from last Wednesday!!!
Comments
It will be OK, but I'm sorry you're feeling this way.