Guilt and Knowing when to stay home...
Today was the second time I have heard the words.. "Go home." I think those words are worse than any of the others that I have heard while on my journey. The first time was a few days prior to half marathon and I had cut the skin away on my blister and the hope of sending me home that day was to have my foot healed enough to run the half. It worked it did heal and I was able.
Today it wasn't for such a reason, today it was because I don't know when it is OK to stay home yet, today it was because I don't know how to pick my "day off". As I was standing there waiting this morning I told my friends that were there that I would be walking today and when they asked why I said "because today is my day off and I can't really remember the last time I did not exercise of some sort and I don't really have a day off in the foreseeable future." My thought process was I knew I would feel guilty if I stayed at home sipping coffee knowing that today was a run day and I had friends and team mates out there running their hearts out and I figured the LEAST I could do is show up and walk and that would give my calves a stretch AND a break. Seems logical doesn't it?
When Adam got there I knew I needed to tell him my plan because if I waited I wouldn't follow through with what I had already declared I was going to do because as soon as he said Run I was going to do just that. When he asked me why I was going to walk I quickly said because I haven't had a day off and I don't see one coming soon. He asked if I was racing on Sunday and I said yes I was. I was honestly expecting his response to be ok walk. Instead it was "Go home, get in your car and go home." I stuttered a but... and a glance around looking for someone to save me. The only thing I heard was "I knew that was coming" and "See ya Sunday" (it is hard to relay sometimes in words what was going on but it needs to be told that everyone had smiles on their faces they weren't hurtful comments). I didn't hear anymore and I don't remember if I said goodbye or not (if I didn't I am sorry guys and bye) because I quickly went to my car. I can tell you how I felt, a bit shocked and a bit ashamed. Shocked cause I REALLY didn't see that coming and ashamed because 4 months in and I still can't handle what I THINK everyone else is doing, by that I mean in my world all the other bootcampers exercise every day from the time they get up until they go to bed. (yes rather unrealistic isn't it).
So here I am with my cup of coffee, writing my blog because I needed to get what I am going through down on paper (or what we now considering putting it down on paper) so I can SEE what I have done and what I am doing. I am going to back track and try to figure out the last time I didn't work out now so please excuse the jumble of mess you are about to see.
Thursday - 3 mile beach run Kickboxing
Wednesday - 2 mile road run 2 mile beach run (bootcamp)
Tuesday - 2 Kickboxing
Monday - Bootcamp - 2 kickboxing
Sunday - Cupcake 5 k
Saturday - Kickboxing and Zumba
Friday - Aviation Park Friday Run
Thursday - Kickboxing
Wednesday - Bootcamp Kickboxing
Tuesday - Kickboxing
Monday - Bootcamp
Sunday - Knuckle Up Sunday Run
Saturday - Nags Head Woods Run
FRIDAY- THAT WAS THE LAST TIME I TOOK OFF!!! I seriously had to go back on facebook and see what happened that day.
Now let's move forward for the coming week..
Friday-Friday Fun Run Workout with Amanda 11 am
Saturday- Kickboxing and Zumba
Sunday- Knuckle Up Run / Wine Down 5k
Monday- Bootcamp / Kickboxing / Kickboxing
Tuesday- Beach run with the girls/Kickboxing / Kickboxing
Wednesday- Bootcamp / Kickboxing / Kickboxing
Thursday-Beach run with the girls/Kickboxing
Add in there that I really want to get in some ring training time and that I need to figure out where I am going to fit in the following training in so I can do the marathon this fall and I may need to give up sleep as well as any kind of rest day.
Should I be upset that I was sent home after looking back at everything I have done the last 2 weeks, no. Should I be upset I still can't seem to figure out that a rest day is just that? Probably. They are the coaches they know what they are doing me I am still floundering around trying to figure out how to fit this all into my life and not feel guilty about missing a Friday Fun Run come Monday morning when The General brings up how many were not there taking advantage of the extra training.
Now I am going to need to spend some time figuring out how to not let the guilt bug me... seems like the perfect thing to do on the beach this afternoon.
Until next time,
15.23.14.9.20.
Re
Today it wasn't for such a reason, today it was because I don't know when it is OK to stay home yet, today it was because I don't know how to pick my "day off". As I was standing there waiting this morning I told my friends that were there that I would be walking today and when they asked why I said "because today is my day off and I can't really remember the last time I did not exercise of some sort and I don't really have a day off in the foreseeable future." My thought process was I knew I would feel guilty if I stayed at home sipping coffee knowing that today was a run day and I had friends and team mates out there running their hearts out and I figured the LEAST I could do is show up and walk and that would give my calves a stretch AND a break. Seems logical doesn't it?
When Adam got there I knew I needed to tell him my plan because if I waited I wouldn't follow through with what I had already declared I was going to do because as soon as he said Run I was going to do just that. When he asked me why I was going to walk I quickly said because I haven't had a day off and I don't see one coming soon. He asked if I was racing on Sunday and I said yes I was. I was honestly expecting his response to be ok walk. Instead it was "Go home, get in your car and go home." I stuttered a but... and a glance around looking for someone to save me. The only thing I heard was "I knew that was coming" and "See ya Sunday" (it is hard to relay sometimes in words what was going on but it needs to be told that everyone had smiles on their faces they weren't hurtful comments). I didn't hear anymore and I don't remember if I said goodbye or not (if I didn't I am sorry guys and bye) because I quickly went to my car. I can tell you how I felt, a bit shocked and a bit ashamed. Shocked cause I REALLY didn't see that coming and ashamed because 4 months in and I still can't handle what I THINK everyone else is doing, by that I mean in my world all the other bootcampers exercise every day from the time they get up until they go to bed. (yes rather unrealistic isn't it).
So here I am with my cup of coffee, writing my blog because I needed to get what I am going through down on paper (or what we now considering putting it down on paper) so I can SEE what I have done and what I am doing. I am going to back track and try to figure out the last time I didn't work out now so please excuse the jumble of mess you are about to see.
Thursday - 3 mile beach run Kickboxing
Wednesday - 2 mile road run 2 mile beach run (bootcamp)
Tuesday - 2 Kickboxing
Monday - Bootcamp - 2 kickboxing
Sunday - Cupcake 5 k
Saturday - Kickboxing and Zumba
Friday - Aviation Park Friday Run
Thursday - Kickboxing
Wednesday - Bootcamp Kickboxing
Tuesday - Kickboxing
Monday - Bootcamp
Sunday - Knuckle Up Sunday Run
Saturday - Nags Head Woods Run
FRIDAY- THAT WAS THE LAST TIME I TOOK OFF!!! I seriously had to go back on facebook and see what happened that day.
Now let's move forward for the coming week..
Friday-
Saturday- Kickboxing and Zumba
Sunday- Knuckle Up Run / Wine Down 5k
Monday- Bootcamp / Kickboxing / Kickboxing
Tuesday- Beach run with the girls/Kickboxing / Kickboxing
Wednesday- Bootcamp / Kickboxing / Kickboxing
Thursday-Beach run with the girls/Kickboxing
Add in there that I really want to get in some ring training time and that I need to figure out where I am going to fit in the following training in so I can do the marathon this fall and I may need to give up sleep as well as any kind of rest day.
| Week | Tues | Wed | Thu | Fri | Sat | Sun | Sun | Total |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | 3 | Rest | 4 | 3 | Rest | 5 | Rest | 15 |
| 2 | 3 | Rest | 4 | 3 | Rest | 6 | Rest | 16 |
| 3 | 3 | Rest | 4 | 3 | Rest | 7 | Rest | 17 |
| 4 | 3 | Rest | 5 | 3 | Rest | 8 | Rest | 19 |
| 5 | 3 | Rest | 5 | 3 | Rest | 10 | Rest | 21 |
| 6 | 4 | Rest | 5 | 4 | Rest | 11 | Rest | 24 |
| 7 | 4 | Rest | 6 | 4 | Rest | 12 | Rest | 26 |
| 8 | 4 | Rest | 6 | 4 | Rest | 14 | Rest | 28 |
| 9 | 4 | Rest | 7 | 4 | Rest | 16 | Rest | 31 |
| 10 | 5 | Rest | 8 | 5 | Rest | 16 | Rest | 34 |
| 11 | 5 | Rest | 8 | 5 | Rest | 17 | Rest | 35 |
| 12 | 5 | Rest | 8 | 5 | Rest | 18 | Rest | 36 |
| 13 | 5 | Rest | 8 | 5 | Rest | 20 | Rest | 38 |
| 14 | 5 | Rest | 8 | 5 | Rest | 9 | Rest | 27 |
| 15 | 3 | Rest | 5 | 3 | Rest | 8 | Rest | 19 |
| 16 | 3 | Rest | 3 | Walk 2 | Rest | 26.2 | Rest | 34.2 |
Should I be upset that I was sent home after looking back at everything I have done the last 2 weeks, no. Should I be upset I still can't seem to figure out that a rest day is just that? Probably. They are the coaches they know what they are doing me I am still floundering around trying to figure out how to fit this all into my life and not feel guilty about missing a Friday Fun Run come Monday morning when The General brings up how many were not there taking advantage of the extra training.
Now I am going to need to spend some time figuring out how to not let the guilt bug me... seems like the perfect thing to do on the beach this afternoon.
Until next time,
15.23.14.9.20.
Re
Comments